Sunday, 17 March 2013

Just a few words before I go in.

Once again thank you all for the support; it is overwhelming how you all hold me in your thoughts and prayers.  Dearie me, you’re making me emotional, and I’m not going to cry until it’s over.  It’s not just on my blog or facebook, but emails, private messages, texts and phone calls.  (Mel has lent me her ipad and Pete will bring it in when I’m able to use it, so I’ll be able to keep in touch through facebook and emails.)  I’ve also had some very positive news from three friends, all unconnected and they all know someone who has gone through mouth cancer and they’ve all recovered to be fit and healthy, one is even a runner and they got back to it quickly.  This is reassuring especially after my last health scare.  When I came out of hospital that time the most common reaction I got when folk knew I’d had a brain haemorrhage  said “Oh, I knew someone that had one but they died!” My confidence of reaching the end of the day every time I heard that was not good, but that is now nearly eight years ago and my strength and belief in myself has grown since then and I have achieved so much and I have no doubt I will again.

I never expected this past week to be so debilitating, I think I was just looking at this as a wee procedure in preparation for the surgery, just a stepping stone towards the main event.  Recovering from having the teeth out was ok and I could eat fine as long as I did it slowly.  But the wound in my tummy is still a bit tender, and the most active I've been is to shuffle round Tesco’s, I even made Pete come to push the trolley!  My tummy hasn't felt hungry but I've shovelled the food in, just like racing, little and often, actually not that little.  Full fat milk, hefty milkshakes, loads of cheese, Reese’s Cups, I’d never heard of them before but they were given to me from Pauline’s friend, they’re peanut butter covered in chocolate and have 500 calories per 100g, hot cross buns with slabs of butter, toast with a hefty spreading of peanut butter and strawberry jam,  and Sue’s delicious home baking, that’s just the snacks I've had proper meals and puddings as well.  I had hoped to put on about half a stone but it’s just a measly three pounds!  I can’t understand how I can be so inactive, eat such high fat stuff and put on so little, although I haven’t manage to store a lot of fat at least every muscle fibre is fuelled to the hilt ready for the fight. 

We (Me, Pete and Pauline) were back at St. John’s on Friday to sign consent form and go through the nuts and bolts of the operation (Surgeon’s words not mine) It’s going to take a long time, around twelve hours with three surgeons  working in relay, lucky for me I know how to do ultra!  After seeing the MRI he is going to remove more of my tongue than he first said and there will be nerve damage, some will be permanent, some temporary also the incision will run up my chin and through my lip, he may remove a tooth at the bottom front for access.  Scars fade and I can LIVE with this! 

I can’t say often enough how much your caring words of support mean to me, they are a great comfort, I am honoured to have such a support crew, I am not fighting alone.  Hold me tight in your thoughts and prayers, especially tomorrow evening when I come round, it’s gonna feel weird.

Dave, thank you for my battle mantra.  Hands up, chin down.  I don’t know how many rounds I'm going and I'm not stopping until I've won.  I've got the best people in my corner.   My chin is gonna get quite a skelp, but that ok, I'm strong enough to take it, I’ll stay standing,  I'm not doing Marquis of Queensberry rules though.  Cancer doesn't fight fair so neither will I, the gloves are off and I have a roll of pound coins in each fist. 
COME ON!   

25 comments:

Hooves of Destiny said...

Good luck. You'll be back to 'normal' in no time! ;) x

Davie said...

No need to tell you to TTFU. You are the 2nd toughest woman I know. The toughest is beside me now. She is fattening up on ice cream and fruit and whilst she was struggling to walk 50 yards, I am about to go round 50 shops this afternoon or rather being dragged round by her. We'll be thinking of you and look forward to seeing you soon. Hugs are expected. xxxxx BDTP

Lorna Maclean said...

Just remember Fiona, Its not the number of times you get knocked down that count. Its the number of times you get back up. Take care xx

Colin Knox said...

Tough as old boots Fiona, that you. An amazing lady you are. Thinking about you and your family. Xxx

Subversive Runner said...

I was thinking of you while running the D33 yesterday. It was cold, wet and my back was hurting but whenever I felt low I thought if Fi was here she would love it regardless of temperature, rain or pain. You kept me going. You're still in my thoughts now and will stay there, Fi. Never stop fighting. Loads of love.xxx

Vicky O said...

Hi Fiona, I know how strong and determined you are as I have seen you in action at the Glenmore 24. Both years you have battled on to achieve your target miles of amazing distances and last year, first lady! I have huge admiration of your strength and abilities. You will take all of this in your stride and we will see you at the starting lines soon enough. Speedy recovery Fiona from me Tommy and Arran XX

Deborah Macdonald said...

Fiona, sweetheart. All the best for tomorrow. When you're allowed or rather when you want visitors give us a shout. Love and prayers to all of you. Rory and Debbie x

Anonymous said...

Hi Fiona, just me sending you a big hug to add to all the others you are quite rightly getting.
Keep strong and fight on. Fight as dirty as it takes to beat this b......
I'm looking forward to giving you a real - in-the-flesh - hug on the next start line xxxxx Dawn

dawn mcdonald said...

301
Hi Fiona, just me sending you a big hug to add to all the others you are quite rightly getting.
Keep strong and fight on. Fight as dirty as it takes to beat this b......
I'm looking forward to giving you a real - in-the-flesh - hug on the next start line xxxxx Dawn

lesleyh said...

Loads of love and luck Fiona xxx

Peter Duggan said...

Just keep roaring, Fiona!

Love P XX

Andy Cole said...

We don't know each other well Fiona, just a cheery word or two whenever our paths have crossed, but I'll be thinking of you over the coming days. It seems to me that in your life so far you have been one of the best there is at playing the hand you've been dealt, and I'm sure that won't change. See you again later this year!

run and be mum said...

You are incredible. In one of the toughest weeks of your life, you write a blog which ends up encouraging everyone else in whatever journey they are on. You are going to fight this and I will be behind you all the way - and one day will meet you at the start of an ultra. Will be praying for you tomorrow and all week.
Remember, there are no rules in this battle - just go for it!!!
Andrea Williams

Anonymous said...

more and more vibes for a very brave lady

Anonymous said...


Hi Fiona,
I will be thinking of you and yours loads over the next few days. Stay strong and by the way this cancer doesn't have a chance we are all fighting your corner and we WILL fight dirty.
take care
Alyson

Julie said...

I'll be shouting the other bit, if Pauline will let me join in with your racing battle cry : "COME ON! ALRIGHT! COME ON! ALRIGHT!" All the best for the next round of battle. xx

Anonymous said...

Fiona, just you get in there and kick ass. Lots of love, Ada xx

KarenR said...

You will beat this, it may get ugly but your sure to give as good as you get. Take care x

Anonymous said...

You've been in our thoughts over the busy weekend, hope to see you soon.
Karen D XXXXXXXX

Anonymous said...

Run, with perseverance, the race marked out for you.Hebrews 12:1.

This race is yours; you will run it, you will finish it, you will win it.
X

Christina Schmidt said...

Hi Fiona, I've been thinking of you all day. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. x

Davie said...

Fiona, I met Jim and Helen Robertson in Dumbarton today and Jim was telling me that he tried to log into this blog to send you a message.Due to advanced Luddism he can't do it and life is too short to try and explain it to him. Thought I'd post this to let you know you are in their thoughts. xxxxx BDTP

Ian an Rachel McCuaig said...

Love your attitude Fiona, youre an inspirational person and we cannot wait to see you in the WHWR once again fighting fit. xxx
Ian and Rachel McCuaig

Lex said...

I'm so behind with blogs , I've only just caught up with this . I hope everything goes well and you make a speedy recovery - Your an inspiration .

Brian Dunbar said...

You have always been a battler Fiona this is a battle you can win and we are all in your corner.xx