Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Going for the knockout!

The past couple of weeks have been the hardest, and I thought I wouldn't be going to Skye with my mouth being so sore and with struggling to eat. I asked Pauline would she still go if she could get someone to go with her. (Oh, before you get into this post I think  I better warn you if sweary words offend you, there are a few here, I'm not pulling my punches with this one.)

I started to feel a bit weary, this was the closest I came to letting my head go down.  I then thought Fuck it! I can have a sore mouth, stay at home and be miserable or I can have a sore mouth, be tired but happy in Skye, it doesn't matter if I can eat or not, I'll work round it.

Pauline was pleased when I said I was trying to get my head round going to Skye and I even surprised Pauline by saying I still would like to do the Half Marathon, it is very important to me, it was the first race I ran seven weeks after I had the brain haemorrhage in 2005 and again I think it's fitting the Skye Half is my first race to show I'm on the road to recovery.  Ok, a few more weeks to get over the treatment might have been better but I've never gone for the sensible option.

 I did have a lovely morning walk on Monday, the first day in six weeks without having to go to the Western for treatment.   It was arranged ages ago for Pauline and I to meet Clare Balding at Balmaha and have a wee walk out and back talking about our West Highland Way races for her radio programme Ramblings on Radio 4, but if I wasn't able to go she was happy just to do it with Pauline, I was glad I went and managed to say a few words, I was disappointed when she said it was time to turn back, I was hoping to get further, but it was lovely to stroll along the WHW for the first time is ages. I think we only walked for about four miles but probably just as well that's as far as we went, I got home around mid afternoon, I was very tired and slept until about 8.00pm!

 I've been doing a lot of sleeping, trying to gather my strength for the trip to Skye, my body is not in  good shape,  I'm not eating at all just now, my mouth is too sore and raw but I still have the feeding tube in my tummy and I've been using that for the past few days, I've got a supply of the bags of drip feed they gave me after the surgery, I never thought I'd use it but needs must, it has around 1300 calories and supplemented with prescription milkshakes and full fat milk I'm making sure I'm getting over 2000 calories a day, and these things are all fortified with protein, vitamins and minerals.  I'm not hanging it up and using the pump though, too much palaver, I'm just skooshing it in with a syringe, even that's not correct procedure, you're just meant to remove the plunger, pour the gloop in and let gravity do the job, but a bit of common sense, (I do have a little) I don't force it in with the velocity of a power hose!

The Half isn't going to be pretty or very fast, my last run was on 16th March, I'll be walking more than I'll be running but I'm an ultra runner, I know how to do tired. I'll still be pinning my number to my club vest, it will still be the best I can on the day and I'll always be proud of my best effort whatever the time on the watch even if everyone else has gone home by the time I finish... but finish I will!

Cancer and it's life changing surgery followed by six weeks of harsh and painful radio and chemotherapy  has left my body tired and sore but it never got close to my heart and soul and that is what will get me round my race.  Cancer you can fuck right off, this is the last time you will dictate to me.

Final round, I'll land the knockout blow when I cross the finish line.

Hands up, chin down.

18 comments:

Helen said...

have a wonderful weekend in Skye and enjoy your race xx

Amanda Hamilton said...

If I can ever even muster up 10% of your courage I'd be amazed! So strong, so inspirational! We'll all be with you every joyous step of the Skye half - maybe our combined thoughts will give u a tiny wee bit more than all the great stuff u have in yourself! Stay strong, fight dirty!

Julie said...

I think you're somewhere around Altnafeadh at about 2am Sunday, if you get me. Enjoy Skye; walk, run, smile xx

Anonymous said...

Take your time; dwell on the positives ~ the fact of being there high up the list of the positives; and enjoy it! MtM xxx

run and be mum said...

If happy thoughts and positive vibes will help you then there are millions coming your way. You will be so much in my thoughts - it will be a battle I imagine but then I have learned that you "do" battles. If the cancer hasn't got the message yet it sure will have when you cross over that line "don't mess with me"!!!! Sending hugs

Scott said...

love it fiona, amazing as always. Pinning the number on the carnegie vest again!

Anonymous said...

Who cares if it's not fast and it's not pretty, stop and smell the roses along the way. Karen D. X

Peter Duggan said...

Aye, cancer can fuck right off!

All the best, Fiona. :-)

Love
P X

Colin Knox said...

You're a Hard Ass, never give up and never surrender Lady Fiona and we all love you for it. Keep punching. Have a great weekend in Portree XX

Silke said...

Go and throw that knockout punch!

Anonymous said...

Fiona,
As what a great honest post. you go for it and Skye and I know you will conquer the race and enjoy doing it. We will all be thinking of you. you go girl!!
Alyson

Robert Osfield said...

Crazy!!! But in a good way :-)

I'm pleased that you are through the worst of the treatment and now healing. Just amazed that you are now up for the trip up to Skye, even more so that you'll be be run/walking.

Enteral feeding is a bit of pain, unfortunately my 12 year old daughter was ill last year and had to use enteral feeding, but as she couldn't take large volumes quickly needed the pump. Using overnight worked really well - she'd go to bed hungry and wake up full!

Make sure you take your syringe with you on the half marathon, you'll be able to top up with fluids on the go. It'll make good entertainment for marshalls and fellow runners too ;-)

Good luck, will be thinking of your adventure as I potter around the Dirty 30 just across the water at Glenelg.





Anonymous said...

You are one hell of a lady lots of hugs heading your way
John b

Anonymous said...

Have a wonderful trip to Skye with Pauline lots for hugs a positive vibes from inverness, you go girl.lots of love abi xxxxxxx
xxxx

Joyce Hards said...

Fiona you are amazing , I admire your courage & determination.I hope you have a great weekend. Sorry I wont be there to see you.

Joyce Hards

Anonymous said...

That was a great performance you had on the road and off, have a good rest it was good being there to see you cross the line take care.

Stevie Hards

Rachel said...

I came across your blog a while ago when I was hunting for info on the Skye half, and your recap from last year made it seem worth the trip. A friend and I signed up (we were number 2 and 3), and I thought I'd check back to see if you'd run it again, only to catch up on what has been going on with you for the past wee while.
I'm sorry to hear about the tough time you've had. Cancer is a bitch, and I wish you a speedy return to full health. Well done on completing the half in less than ideal conditions. It was a cracking day, and it'll hopefully be just as good next year!

Anonymous said...

Fiona, I'm a friend of pete and I just wanted to let you know I think you are truly inspirational! Well done on your first half after treatment, keep up the positive attitude and keep going. Onwards and upwards.
Best wishes,
Lee